I had a dream about you last night.
And even though the situation was still the same and you didn’t want to be with me anymore, at the very end when I was feeling the worst you gave me the smallest glimmer of hope that you did want me. And that was the happiest I’ve been all week.
It's been over an hour and I haven't moved.
Sitting in the cold bathroom thinking about everything I’ve fucked up. How fucked some parts of my life is. How alone I feel. Stupid shit I seem to do. Waiting for a reply. I’m sick of feeling like this. I just want to be happy.
She always was a lot friendlier than me... - Imgur →
Just what I need right now. After everything.
Physical assault is a fickle thing. It happens a lot and for a lot of different reasons. It’s all around us. In clubs, in the street, at restaurants, bars, supermarkets, parks, the beach… home. Home is where it has happened for me. Tonight was just another night amongst the many that have happened in the past. Alcohol was the fuel, mum is the spark and my step dad is always the fire....
I thought a lot about the future. About everything I had planned, everything that was to come, all the changes that would take place… Shit like going with you to your formal. Being able to be a part of something I knew meant a lot to you. Seeing that smile. Or bettering myself in ways I had just been made to realize. Fixing all the fuck ups I make. Becoming a stronger person. But now...
I started to think if you were upset too. Then all that came to mind is if you were how much I wanted to be the one there to comfort you. To hug you and tell you it will all be okay. But I can’t. And it won’t. Because I’m not that guy anymore.